And the fear and anxiety is kicking in. I lay in bed for a long time last night dwelling on Christopher's birth at 37 weeks and I prayed that this baby will be able to stay put until he is ready to be born.
My doctors and midwives don't think there will be repeat issues (from an abrupting placenta) and up to this point I have been very optimistic. But as my due date approaches, I can't help but wish that I could just stay pregnant. At the moment, my baby is healthy and thriving inside me and I am afraid this time of giving birth.
The thought of delivering him and having a trouble free experience, being able to hold him after he is born, and being able to nurse instead of using a damned pump, is a bit unreal and remote, despite having done it twice before.
I am feeling raw, and emotional and very snappish. I'm not one to cry but I am on the brink of tears lately for no reason at all. I would love to just crawl in a hole for the next few weeks.
I'm a bit caught off guard by these emotions. I know my husband is a worrier and he has been concerned throughout this pregnancy, but this is unlike me to fret about the what ifs. In fact, this entire post is out of character and it may sit in my draft file for a few days...or indefinitely.
ETA: Okay, after another night sleep (well, as much sleep as a very pregnant mom gets), getting a bed set up for the baby, and a slice of key lime pie, I'm feeling a little better. Still nervous, especially after a day of non-stop Braxton Hicks contractions, but a little clearer in the head.
4 comments:
*hugs* btdt. Different circumstances, but yeah. Anxiety about a birth, all the same. I wish I could fix it for you. No matter how many times you do this, each experience is different and on some level it's always a bit scary. And your hormones are certainly playing a role! *hug hug hug*
Each one really has been so, so different! I think when this week ends, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief. And then enjoy the last couple/few weeks of this pregnancy.
If you remember, I felt the same way. I kept convincing myself she was going to come too early. Flashbacks of my last birth(s). It was like post traumatic stress syndrome.
You're gonna be fine...baby is gonna be fine....just keep reminding yourself, this is a different situation completely. Like Heaz said, every time is different. But I understand how you feel Robyn...
I do remember. Thanks for the support guys. ♥
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