What a ride

Though Chris' birth was the most amazing experience, the days after where an absolute nightmare.

He was immediately handed to me and wiped off in my arms, but he continued to stay an unnatural gray-blue color. So, he was placed in a warmer and given a little oxygen. When he did start to pink up, he was handed back to me and I figured all would be well. But then I noticed he was turning gray yet again. They bought him back to the warmer, gave him more oxygen, and called in the NP from the NICU.

Jim was very concerned. I was still on a birth high and thought everything would be fine. It turned out Christopher had aspirated during birth. There was blood in his lungs, but tests showed it was mine, not his. The Dr. came in and told us they had given him some surfactant, he was responding well, and he should be able to come home in a few days.

I was finally able to get down to the NICU to see him.









Two days later, it was time for me to be discharged. Christopher had now had three doses of the surfactant and it was no longer helping. Jim walked down to the NICU before we left and he came back looking shocked. There were doctors all around our baby and everyone was very concerned; he was not well. Leaving the hospital without my newborn was one of the most painful things I've experienced. There is just nothing right about going home and leaving your baby in the hospital.

That night one of the neonatologists called, needing my consent for a possible transfer up to Boston. They also needed to insert an arterial line and a PICC line. He would not be coming home any time soon. That night was hell for us. The possibility that we could lose our son was very real. I have never prayed so hard.

The next morning we learned they had been able to stabilize him and he would be able to stay where he was. He was on nitrous oxide and a high-frequency ventilator, requiring a paralytic in addition to the sedation. It was hard to watch him on that machine, it not only breathed for him, it shook his little chest. He had developed pneumonia and pulmonary hypertension. They were drawing blood so frequently that he needed a blood transfusion. Then came a spinal tap, and two different antibiotics. He became jaundiced and needed photo therapy.

I stayed home with the older boys during the day while Jim was at work. He used all of his vacation time during the first week and the boys were not handling things well so we decided to make life as normal as possible for them. They had not even seen their brother yet, so I imagine it must have been very surreal to them. As soon as Jim walked in the door at night, I walked out and drove the hour each way to spend as much time as I could manage with Chris.

Two weeks after his birth, he was finally able to breathe without the ventilator, only needing a nasal cannula to help him get enough oxygen. I was able to hold him and then to try to breastfeed him, something we can't seem to get quite right. I am still pumping milk for him, three months later.












From here it was a matter of weaning him off the drugs, finishing up antibiotics, and getting him to eat. It was two more weeks before his feeding tube came out.
All in all, he was in the hospital for 33 days. He came home on liver medication because the IV fluids that he survived on for the first two weeks had really taken a toll. We'll be monitoring his hearing, sight, and development. It seems every life saving machine and drug has side effects.

I am so grateful that our son made it through this. Looking back, it feels like it was all a bad dream. I will never take a single day with my children for granted.