Those little white lies

"Are you my buddy?"

This seemingly innocent question was directed at my four year old this week by a complete stranger, a lab tech at the hospital. His matter of fact response, "No, I'm not," drew looks from everyone in the room, and embarrassment from his older brother.

I am going to leave aside the fact that Sean had just watched his fiercely beloved baby brother get catheterized and full well knew that this woman was about to stick a needle in his brother's arm. Because, even though that had Sean even more on the edge than usual, I'm sure he would have responded the same way had this woman been handing out balloons at the zoo.

While I do believe that I should teach my children not to be rude, I think that adults often have odd expectations of children. If the cashier at the grocery store asked me the same question, I would be more than a little weird-ed out. So why is it considered normal for people to talk to children like that?

Most of us tell little white lies so that we do not hurt others feelings. But, as adults we can see the subtle shades of gray. My four year old, like most small children, does not. He is not a mini-adult and he perceives the world much differently than an adult would. Sure, I could tell him to lie, but why would I do that? Is it my goal to raise a child who is afraid to step on other peoples toes and be polite, even if it means lying? Do I really care so much about a complete stranger's feelings that I would contradict myself like that? It would be as if I smacked him, while saying, "Don't hit your brother."

So if you are looking for validation, ask an adult. If you want the truth, talk to a four year old.